She has so much pain cooped up inside, that she resorts to self harm in order to feel…something, to let the pain out. She feels undeserving, she feels guilty for Cassie’s death, she feels alone, misunderstood, and…lost. Food is the enemy, it is pain, she sees herself as “stupid/ugly/stupid/bitch/stupid/fat/ stupid/baby/stupid/loser/stupid/lost”. It’s frightening to see her shrink more and more with every page, see her lie to everyone around her, see her not want to get better, because she hates herself.

I saw Lia struggle so much, and I felt for her and for her family. They are shown with all the ugliness they have - and trust me, there is so, so much ugliness in them, and it shows that they are not a whim, they are not a trend, they are an illness and, like with many illnesses, they take over your life and you lose yourself in them. One thing that is very important is that this book does not glamorize eating disorders. As the story progresses, things get worse and worse for her - she feels guilty for Cassie’s death, she is haunted by the demons in her head, by the demons of her illness, and she unravels. Her best friend, Cassie, who suffers from bulimia, dies and the night that happens, she calls Lia 33 times, but Lia doesn’t pick up. Wintergirls tells the story of Lia, a high school senior who struggles with anorexia. It’s that need you feel as a reader to shield the characters you read about and to save them, but you realize there isn’t anything you can do, but read on. Just, simply put, an overwhelming feeling of sadness and helplessness was always with me.

I felt physically uncomfortable while reading it and I felt so so sad throughout it. I’m numb and astonished and a heap of other feelings I can’t even try to begin to explain. I don’t think I ever read a book that left me so lost, for lack of a better word.

Wintergirls goodreads